An hour in my life with a 2 year old

My toddler decided to come to our room to sleep at around 1am and refused to go back to our bed (dont even start with me, I was too tired to fight it). This is all fine and dandy but the kid has ZERO ability to sleep next to people. I'm pretty sure this was the schedule he had written down:

1:00-1:30am shove tiny fingers as far up mom's nose as possible

1:30-2:00am time to get super close to people's faces, squish their cheeks and giggle at their funny looking expression. (My husband somehow slept through him doing this to him)

2:00-2:30am Kickboxing time. Focus on the head and dad's balls. 

2:30-3:00am time to roll back and forth with enough force for mom to fall out of bed

3:00am-3:30am spend 30 minutes crying with mommy since we're both so god damn exhausted.

3:30am fall asleep perfectly just in time as the 3 month old is waking up.

And now at 7 am I've found I've been laying on megablocks all night long. 

I feel like I live with a tiny cute life sucker some days. They do things that literally make you think you're crazy and ask the doctor for some Xanax, but then come back around and do the cutest thing ever so you decide to keep them instead of leaving them at the grocery store. It is hard to describe this to people who don't have kids around the age of 2. So, in an attempt to show you I'm really not crazy,  I recorded everything a two year old says and does over the course of 1 hour to show you the highs and lows of a seemingly bipolar tiny human. Enjoy this peek into my life! 

7:31: wakes up, looks at me, starts immediately laughing. I'm guessing he's laughing at the fact he won at being an asshole last night.

7:32: immediately becomes cute again as he points to all the parts of my face. "Chin... nose... cheeks... eyes..." aww. Stop being such a smarty pants <3

7:34: puts feet on my chest and starts kicking "wake up mommy, wake up now!" Okay you're no longer cute.

7:45: me, "what do you want for breakfast? Do you want cereal?"

"No, I don't like cereal, I want food"

"What kind of food do you want?"

"Ummm... cereal"

7:46: Screams as I grab a bowl, "No, I don't like the green bowl, I like the blue bowl" 

7:50: sings while eating cereal in blue bowl, "shoulders and toes and toes, shoulders and toes and toes (to the tune of head shoulders knees and toes)." How flipping cute is that? 

7:55-8:10am: goes to his room and has been silent for a good 10 minutes. Starting to get worried, but I have shit to do so I'll clean up the silently made mess later.

8:10 - comes downstairs singing the wheels on the bus. Awww he only knows one sentence

8:20 - still singing the same sentence as 10 minutes ago

8:25 - andddd... that's stuck in my head the rest of the day

8:30 - go upstairs, the mattress is flipped off of his his bed, sheets everywhere

8:35 - I was literally just putting the mattress and comforter back on his bed. Wtf? 

8:36 - As I'm cleaning this mess, he's bowling with his spiderman bowling set yelling, "good job buddy!" to himself. I love him so much <3

8:37 - "mommy, you make coffee? Mommy can I have coffee?"

"No"

8:38 - "mommy I want coffee, I want coffee, please mommy let me have coffee, please mommy, come on! Come on mommy!"

"No"

8:39 - gets distracted by dog running in circles, runs in circles too.

8:40 - "mommy, you like your coffee?" 

Yes, yes I do. 

And during all this I'm feeding, changing, burping, bathing, and holding a 3 month old. By 8:41am I am exhausted. All those messes and repetitive motions, all those things that make you cringe trying not to snap, but they keep on doing the cute stuff. The super freaking cute stuff that keeps you going throughout the day (along with the promise of wine at bed time). So I guess in reality, now matter how much they can throw at you, as long as they keep doing the cute stuff, and my husband keeps a steady supply of wine, life will be A-OK.